Life as we know it now..

It's always been interesting to me to see how much life can change. When you think about your wedding day...and the day you give birth to your first child you cant help but feel over joyed, teary eyed and think of how AMAZING those days will be.

My wedding day was nothing shy of amazing. As of now, the best day of my life and it will always be one of the best days! But I won't lie--I was 100% surprised on how much life changed afterwards. Not with the relationship between my new husband and I. But between me and friends and family.. some friends I thought I'd have forever.. some family I thought would always be around. It's like.. some people got the idea "well she's married now, she doesnt need us" and that couldn't be any farther from the truth. Married or not.. a girl always needs her friends.. I still need my time with my friends, my time for myself, after all, I want to KEEP my sanity.

I look at our life now..as we are getting ready to welcome our first child into the world. As we are getting everything ready for our baby boy...his room..his clothes washed.. his swings put together.. I cant help but think of what will life be like when he's here? Who else will walk out? We are finally established in our life after relationships lost once we were married..and feel so secure in our life now. I just wonder who will come around and who wont. To be honest.. to me it doesnt matter. I will have my amazing husband and cute baby boy. I know the ones who are still by my side, will still be there. The family and friends who have been there to help me with everything and anything during my pregnancy. The ones that take 2 seconds out of their day to text me and see how i'm doing when they know i've been sick. I'm guilty too.. with not being the best and contacting everyone. We are all grown up now..and have our own lives. and I understand that everyone's life is going in its own direction. and I dont need a phone call or text DAILY to assure me they are there... its the small things to me that matter. the text.. showing to my baby shower, extending a helping hand. Everything that i'd do for them if it were the other way around. In all honesty it kind of makes me laugh to myself. I'm sure once Braxton is born i'll hear from people I havent heard from my whole pregnancy... wanting to come check out the cutie. and then will be gone again afterwards until its once again convinient for them to come around. Which is OK with me, I dont need people like that in my life.. I dont need people like that to rely on.. I know now not to rely on anyone but myself..and my husband.

I know this is kind of a lot of thoughts just thrown on here. But I guess thats the point of blogging. Get everything out and feel better. I guess my point is this.. I'm not going to force anyone to be an active part of Braxton's life..and I'm not going to track anyone down to be apart of his life.. I'm not going to go out of my way to make sure he has relationships with friends or even family that cant pick up the phone themselves. I'm not going to accomodate any one but me, my husband and my child. I'm done reaching out to people who cant reach back. I'm tired of putting SO much effort into relationships that really are non existant without MY effort.

We are SOO excited for him to be here. To be parents.. to learn, to grow, and to do it all together as a team. I couldn't ask for anyone better to be the father of my child. He keeps me sane most of the time. He works so hard to provide for our family. He's the smartest man I know (well you too dad ;) ) I see the way he is with London and other kids and it melts my heart. I can't wait to see him see Braxton for the first time.. to hold him.. comfort him.. just the thoughts alone is enough to make me cry (but what cant make me cry these days??) I feel major relief in knowing that the days I am running on no sleep, and feel like I'm going to lose my sanity, I have him to lean on and that thought brings me so much comfort. We have never been parents before. The thought of being responsible for another innocent life is scary. I'd be lying if I said we weren't scared..what first time parents aren't?? But knowing we have each other.. I know it will all be okay..and such a good experience. Our lives will forever be changed on the day our son is born. Changed for the better.. We think we know what love is like now..and I know that will change once he is here.